


ice hears not.

by PinguBear



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinguBear/pseuds/PinguBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo doesn't want to believe so he chooses to shut down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ice hears not.

**Author's Note:**

> I simply poured out my pain in this one, something broke inside of me.

'Its not true!'  
  
It's quarter to 4 am and they're wandering around in the living-room like ghosts hovering above layers of graves.  
  
'Stop following me around!'

His voice is scratchy, as scratchy as old records of questionable quality. The dorm is quiet, save for the thunk of their feet, the sizzle of their breaths and the occasional stomp of Jongin's crutches.  
  
He's been avoiding him for 3 days straight, but his attempts of doing so inside the dorm have been anything but successful. Rounding the sofa for the third time, he tries not to look at Jongin's hunched form, the sweaty maroon locks on his forehead and the thin skin of his cheeks.

'Hyung.'

'Don't fucking talk to me.'

That hurt.

He sliced himself open with that and he notices Jongin nearly falling over, disregarding his crutches and stumbling because of his own entangled legs.

'Please...'

'You should've just told me.'

Within the blanket of lightening darkness that's smothering them both, Jongin seems to perk up at this.

Yet he grazes the leg of the couch with his injured ankle.

He hisses and misses Kyungsoo's eyes shutting tightly behind the frames of his glasses, alongside his painfully clenching teeth.

 _'Your ankle hasn't even healed yet, you imbecile and yet you paddle around when you should be resting.'_  

'T-Told you what?'

Jongin can see Kyungsoo's fingers rubbing vigorously at the shielded eyelids, his thumbs moving the frames ever so slightly.

The bluntness of distress worries him.

'That you never wanted me.'

Jongin's reaction is immediate. He straightens himself up, gripping the whiteness of the crutches and pulling at his eyelashes with every cell of his being not to start crying.

'What?'

Kyungsoo's chuckle is as bitter as arsenic.

He should sit, he should try to appear calm, he should attempt to be the mature, sound, stoic one.

But how could he be? How could he be any of those things with his heart ripped out of his chest and left dangling on the side of his body? It wasn't one of those situations where you could just start anew, never having to see the person in question ever again. Oh no. He gets to see him every day. And he has to be happy for him, to be so happy so that he can even inspire or persuade others into being happy for Jongin as well.

'Don't play dumb, Jongin. Not with me.'

The way he behaves behind closed doors should be punished by law. So honest, so natural.

He's wearing only a T-shirt and shorts because Jongdae messed up the heater earlier and it's so hot inside.

But Kyungsoo's soul is freezing.

'I'm not. You're being absurd. It's not true.'

He huffs, already feeling like passing out on the floor because he doesn't know how to deal with this and he's just plain horrified. He never fights with Jongin. Even their banters are rarely conflictual.

'What exactly is not true? You're not gay? I'm not gay? You've tricked me into having feelings for you and all these years-'

'Not true.'

'What the fuck isn't true, Jongin-ah!?'

He doesn't think it over. His mind is probably frozen over anyway. He reaches forward, carried by his legs across the small distance between them, clutching Jongin's T-shirt with his trembling fists, his lower lip lost in an earthquake of suffering. They're locking gazes and Kyungsoo discovers faded fear inside Jongin's orbs. Faded fear and physical pain and emotional pain and-

'Why did you have to make fun of me?'

'I never did.'

'Why did you make me love you? Why didn't you let me be? You're scared of me, I can see it in your eyes, you're still scared of me and yet-'

'I'm n-not s-scared o-of you! No!'

The vehemence of the spoken words makes Kyungsoo notice the tears cascading down Jongin's cheeks.

'I'm...scared...this..w-will change everything and...the..the company...'

'Bullshit! You're full of bullshit, I can't even listen to you anymore!'

He lets go, his body shuddering more and more with each step he takes that's putting distance between him and Jongin. He needs to get away, he has to go somewhere, somewhere far away from this fraud of a human being.

'Why are you here? Why aren't you sleeping over at hers? I can't believe you did this to me, I thought we were friends before anything else. You're-'

'Stop, just stop and l-listen to me, K-Kyungsoo!'

But how could he possibly say no to that voice? That voice, sounding as if Jongin hasn't got one but a million hearts and all of them are shattering in this exact same moment.

Letting himself drop on the sofa, Kyungsoo takes his glasses off and puts them away, haphazardly feeling around for the edge of the coffee table. He doesn't want to see anything. Palms on his eyes and posture shying away from Jongin's once again hunched frame and his crumpled T-shirt and his crying eyes.

'We're friends.'

'Not anymore.'

'I...I meant me and...'

Kyungsoo's laugh is horrifyingly chipped.

'Oh, of course, forgive me, lover boy. Of course you meant Soojung.'

'That's all there is to it.'

'You know, why don't you go and check out some of them foaming websites? After all, I happen to know how much you adore looking at yourself.'

This time, the crutches fall sideways and Kyungsoo feels fingers digging into his shoulders, even if his palms are still covering his eyes.

'Why are you so cruel to me?'

'Really? Really, now? Are you in any position to be saying that to me? You, of all people?'

'Who do you believe, them or me?'

'You're doing a pretty terrible job at this 'trusting your friends' thing, so of course, I-'

The fingers abandon Kyungsoo's shoulders, prying away the palms from his eyes quite forcefully.

'Bear it with me, hyung.'

Kyungsoo ignores the fact that he's crying his vision away, choosing to stare, albeit watery, at Jongin's face so close to his, at the, maybe, swollen cheeks, at the, maybe, red eyes.

'Leave me alone. Get up, your ankle will hurt.'

'I don't care, listen to me.'

'Let go of me, you liar, you horrible, childish liar!'

His struggle and Jongin's attempts to keep him still stab him in the heart, even if it looks mighty silly, annoying even, for an outsider. At one point he breaks free and he is so fed up he wants to get up, but loud sobs keep him rooted to the sofa's cushions.

Jongin's crying like he means something to him, like the mere sight of Kyungsoo wanting to leave is tearing him apart.

'What the fuck is wrong with you?' Kyungsoo asks, but he's melting into moans of despair on the inside. He can't stand seeing him this way.

Jongin is rubbing at his eyes so hard that Kyungsoo has to, reluctantly, stop him, in fear he might claw his own eyes out.

'Please...there's no one else for me...no one else I could...I could come to love this much...you know, h-hyung, even when you dislike yourself, that's when I actually love you the most...because you're so perfect to me and...and I'm sorry we had to meet this way and I'm sorry I'm weak...I'm sorry we're here, I'm just so sorry...'

Kyungsoo's tears come back to life and he believes him, he hears him and he trusts his words like never before. He gathers Jongin's shaking form in his arms, leaning his forehead on Jongin's shoulder.

'Even if you don't love me...'

'I do!' comes the reply and it has Kyungsoo biting his lips because really, how, how much and...why...

'I still love you. For all the times you were there for me and for everything you do. Even the pain you give me is bliss.'

'Hyung, don't, please, just be with me, don't let this scheme come between us!'

He's being hysterical now. Kyungsoo keeps crying, but in silence. He pushes Jongin away and he wants to hug Kyungsoo again, but Kyungsoo stands.

He moves away from Jongin's quivering hands and succeeds in recovering his glasses.

'Good night, Jongin. Please sleep, we wake up in two hours.'

'Not to me, hyung, don't be like that, not to me, hyung, Kyungsoo-hyung!'

Kyungsoo's soul is freezing.

And ice hears not.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted on AFF.


End file.
